Try This at Home

So here I sit in a hotel room (long story) watching crappy T.V.  Discovery usually has something good on, right?  Right?

Wrong.

I just watched an episode of 'Destroyed in Seconds'.  If you've never seen it, it's reality/documentary style schlock  where someone has captured shit being blown up/destroyed/mangled in spectacular awfulness.  And for the most part, the slow-mo is fun to watch.

But seriously, you dumb fuck red necks, if you make a boat that goes 150/mph plus, and touches the water with less surface area than a deck of cards (sic), please, PLEASE don't act surprised when that sum-bitch takes flight and explodes.  You lost that right when you spent $100,000 dollars on a boat that's useless for skiing or fishing.

If you think racing down a ski hill on a modified shovel (think Olympic skeleton racing, but on snow on a straight line) is a good idea, please, by all means, go right ahead.  We really don't need you lounging around our gene pool.  And really, what woman out there doesn't think that this isn't the sexiest thing going in sports?

You prefer extreme motocross?  That's where you combine motocross dirt track racing with aerial flips and tricks.  Good place to practice?  A foam block pit.  Lets you practice extremely dangerous shit without killing yourself.  Unless, of course, you've never actually done a flip on a motocross bike before.  Then, you might just loose control, and land outside the foam pit.  Which would suck all on its own, but if you're friend left their Bobcat sitting out there, and you, being a retard, managed to land face first on said Bobcat from 50 feet in the air, you might, just might break your face, collar bone, back and hand.

Long story short kids, please, by all means, try this at home.  Try it as many times as you need to get it right.  And by 'get it right' I mean 'kill yourself in the most spectacular, horrific way possible'.

And don't forget the camera.  Us assholes in hotel rooms our counting on you.