The hell?

So I’m driving to work this morning, as I do every morning.  My commute consists primarily of about 20km of divided highway, 2-3 lanes each way.  So there’s lots of time to watch what my fellow commuters are doing while driving.  And I have seen some weird shit over the past couple years, not to mention the bad driving.  Here are a few of my favourites:

 

-        Car randomly swerving between two lanes, due to the geriatric behind the wheel sneezing. 

-        Car traveling at 120km slowing to 80km so the stupid twat driving could text.  Annoying once, but she would read her text, send one, then speed back up.  Until she got the next text, then she’d slow down and repeat.

-        Asshat in his 1 ton quad cab dually long box diesel doing who can’t multi task.  And by multi task, I mean can’t drive at a consistent speed while also drinking coffee, eating breakfast and talking on his cell.  He would speed at about 140km, pull in front of me, slow to 100km, I’d pass him and pull in front of him, he’d realize he got passed by a mini-van and speed up.  Repeat about 5 times.  Not annyoying at all.  Finally I just boxed him in and left him there.

-        The wonderfully organized lady applying mascara in her vanity mirror at highway speed.  I’ll admit, she kind of impressed me with this.  So much so I pulled in front of here and slammed my brakes, you know, to see if she would notice.  Or poke her eye out.  That was funny.

 

I see this shit daily.  I’m not a fan of talking on the cell while driving, even if I do it myself.  In my defense, I use Bluetooth and pay more attention to the road than my conversation – ask my wife.  I’m fine if you want to drive and talk, if you’re capable of doing both safely (you’re not) then go for it.  And I thought I’d seen pretty much every piece off asshattery known to drivers.  Until this morning.

 

This morning, while traveling at 120km down the highway, I was passed by a man who was intensely brushing his teeth!  Like I’ve said, I’ve seen some interesting things, but seriously?  This wasn’t some punk ass little dipshit, this guy had to be at least 50.  I realize you slept in, but for fucks sake man, where’s your sink!  How the hell do you rinse and spit?  I know you’re supposed to brush for 2 minutes, but if you’re that late for something, maybe a quickie 30 second brush would do, don’t you think?  You won’t get toothpaste on your suit, your breath won’t stink, the big chunks will still get cleaned off, and you can drive faster using both hands!  For fucks sake!